Let Go, Let God.

It's mid march. I haven't blogged in over a month and haven't felt myself months.

Sometimes we just don't know what is wrong. It's taken me a long time to accept that. In fact it wasn't until my friend was expressing to me how she couldn't explain how she felt and didn't feel like an explanation was out there that I understood exactly what it means. I beat myself up for several months over the fact that I was feeling down. There were many stressors, but overall I did not see what would take my joy and make me so shameful and sad. Instead of accepting the fact that things did not feel perfect and letting it go, I held onto it as tight as I could trying to fix it. What happened to my joy? Why was I filled with fear and doubt and self hate? It was as though I had flashed back to 2007, and that was a scary year! Now comes the scary part... I nearly relapsed. But I say this ONLY to stress how powerful God's hand is on my life! The temptations to act as I did before my healing were very real and sometimes seconds away from me... yet it felt as though He literally stopped me each time.

So about 3 months after fighting God's grace it sunk in... “I haven't succeeded in screwing my life up!” I don't think I can truly explain how this self hatred manifested in my every day life. A few weeks ago I was in my dorm room alone thinking. As I thought about the events of the past few months I began to see just how much God's hand is in my life. It is so overwhelming. I am so thankful for such a patient God! I mentioned how I was holding onto things.-- Last week at CharlotteOne the speaker was talking about letting go. He told us all to make our fists as tight as we could... He then began to say many stressors that people have... he mentioned most of mine, and made us hold our hands like this for what left like 5 minutes.... when he was done, he said “now let go, That feeling of release is exactly what it feels like when you are in God's peace.” I dare you to try it!

This quickly helped me to remember daily to let things go and give them to God. I may not know all of the reasons for my depression, but I do know some... and the stuff I don't know--- well God knows!!! He says in Romans 8:26, “We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.”

I believe that after receiving this knowledge things began to fall into place.

I am seeing more and more blessings everyday! I am filled with that Joy of the Lord again, SOOOO thankful!!!!!!
I had to share!