I wanted to share about something particularly sweet that God did this past Friday in Mexico. Number one, we gathered with the other teams from the US in a big warehouse... we would worship, share "God Sitings" and have a speaker. Friends, the worship was the most phenomenal worship I've experienced in years. Close your eyes and you are sitting right at Jesus' feet. Gosh, each night I so looked forward to the time of worship. SO. Thursday night, the dude gets up and says, "tomorrow night you guys will get the chance to share instead of a speaker." All God sitings! I wondered what I would say if I was going to say anything... But suddenly I felt this HUGE nudge. It was as if God was saying, "tell your story".
So, I kind of nodded in my head, which sounds odd but agreed with God that I would share my story. Friday went by as all the other days, we said goodbye to our home owners and when we got back to the camp I slipped off alone for a while to write. I prayed for a while about what God wanted me to say to these teens and adults. Making sure that I wasn't bringing glory to myself, that all the glory was going to God, I began to write what I thought I would say. I would write... stop.... tear it up.... start over... this happened about twice before I got something that clicked.
After rewriting it and reading it to myself I knew I had to give it to God. I can't plan every word that comes out of my mouth when I share... the Holy Spirit leads me in what I say... So, I sat it down and continued to chat with the girls in my room. A while later I grabbed my notebook and asked 2 of the girls to read what I had on my heart to share... each of them looked at me with excited eyes and seperately said, "You have to share that." OK so I knew I had to say it... and now I had two teens keeping me accountable to saying what I knew God wanted me to say!
So we all gather for worship, it was once again amazing. They open the mike up and I start to feel that drop in my throat...... I wait a while, looking over at the girls with their convincing eyes... then stand up. Well.... I was already different from everyone that was sharing that night; I had my notebook and I was practically doing what I felt was a speech. So I shared with the crowd what God had laid on my heart and began to tell them my God Siting.
It was something like this:
I have on a few mission trips to Peru, Cuba... And they are very similar to what I've experienced here in Mexico. But there is one HUGE difference in this trip this year. This past friday I celebrated 1 year of healing in my life from an addiction to self injury/cutting. The difference in the trip this year is that I can see God's grace, love and mercy in place of my shame and loneliness. It been a really rough year but this week has been a reminder of how with God all things are possible. He can turn a bunch of people into a family, what seemed like a jigsaw puzzle into a house, and he can take someone like me and heal their heart and use them to help others (something like that.)"
So anywho... I knew that I didn't share that for myself.. I mean I did, it was a great reminder saying verbally to everyone that I am changed... but I felt as though there were others in the crowd who were struggling. Time went on and I started to feel like, "Geez, maybe that was a little self centered, maybe I shouldn't have shared". Just as those thoughts were going through my head a lady in the back (named Erin) stood up and shared about coming up on being healed 2 years from Bulimia. She encouraged me, and shared something she didn't have to but felt led to do. It really touched my heart... and as I smiled back at her, I felt a peace again.
People continued to share, I sat in awe. A guy stood up, he had shared during the week that he had given his life to the Lord... I knew this guy was struggling. He stood up and shared with the group that he was STILL struggling with an addiction to cocane and cigerettes, and how this week was an encouragement that he could make it out of his addictions.
Thank you Lord for that oppertunity. I look at it now... I had no idea really what was going on. I was in awe, and so blessed by the sharing but now that I look at this, I see even more significance to it.
K... I'll explain.
For me... when I reached my one year anniversary I honestly questioned "what is next?" "Will I make it 2 years??" Because for the past year, I've been striving to make it cut free for a year. When Erin stood up and shared that it will be 2 years for her in August, it was such a reassurance.
Lord only knows but I can imagine the guy who is strugging with his addiction had to have been in my shoes a year ago wondering if there was any hope for healing... When I did what the Lord asked me to, I'm thinking that may have encouraged him to keep fighting and look to the Lord.
So. I learned some big stuff in Mexico... Listening to God's nudge, it goes far. I've been way blessed.
As a prayer request- last year at night I would crash and become very depressed... Luckily this did not happen in Mexico, but it seems to be returning at home. I spoke with my psychiatrist about this before leaving for the trip and she scheduled an appointment coming up in a week or so to change my medications around to see if maybe something else would work better. I am very aware now that medication is a HUGE blessing to my life.. I know that my meds are so important to my safety and functioning. So... just a prayer that we'd be able to find something to help aid me in my depression... It is not nearly as bad as it was, but it is still a struggle.
OKay so it is now 9:50. I am definately going to sleep now... God Bless for reading!
1 comment:
I am so very proud of you. I am in awe at your strength. You go girl! We all have our demons and you are slaying yours. I glorify our God, the ultimate healer.
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