Trying to focus on good, get some clarity going for myself...
Had an appointment with Dr. Suffren (doc from hospital) this morning.. haha, I love her to death.. she's so stinking cute. I really dislike driving downtown... I left 90 minutes early to try and find the place, which shew, lol maybe im just slow but it took me the entire 90 minutes. Yeah okay I know I am slow. HAHA! it was a fancy office, lol I commented on the vital signs machine like a dork, lol i was like "hey look, this is way nicer than the ones they had over there!" lol. the lady just laughed at me. hahaha. I didn't realize I've only been out for a 2 weeks tomorrow. Dang. You'd think it was a decade ago because of everything happening here.
I tried to make plans for when I am able to do everything I want to. I dont know when that'll be, I still feel like I can barely do anything without breaking down... But I've started half way writing a book... And I really want to hop back on the gitfiddle and learn the hard chords so that at some point in the future I can join the band again. I'm thinking about finding another way to get out of CPCC... the place haunts me. Not the people or professors but I have done nothing but struggle in that school... So maybe I'll start taking classes downtown for a change... who knows.
Oh! it was cool, in DBT they gave us these sheets that have ratings of how you feel and you mark them(duh) for the amount of a feeling you feel.. like happy, its ratings are all from 0-5 5 being really intense... all my feelings have been 5 for the bad and 0 for like happy and stuff.. and then at the botom of the sheet it has a part for rating how strong your urges were.. like for cutting, overdosing, stuffff.... yeah... so I brought it to dr. Suffren today and we looked over it.. LOl dang im a little roller coaster.
Good News I no longer weigh 238 pounds, I'm at 229. HA!( moo) not much but yeah... considering how much I've eaten like a pig in the past week that's pretty dandy. No , seriously I bought a bag of swedish fish and starbursts and ate ALL OF IT within 48 hours. If I knew how to puke, I would. lol But I haven't eaten much today, I had like 3 chicken fingers from my grandmothers place and green beans... haha. oh yeah like 8 crackers... but that was it.
I need to clean so bad this place is gettng to be a disaster.I didn't bother unpacking my stuff from ATF or the hospital so its all on my floor. haha. dang.
Alright so I'm done writing for now... If you read this, wow...thanks. lol
Peace.
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